They can be intolerant of the other, making each other walk on eggshells, ironically making it difficult to bring up certain issues with the other. Take the pressure off by releasing control of expectations and outcomes. The Giver, in turn, can feel unappreciated, judged as being hedonistic and giving too much, and therefore not acknowledged by the emotionally restrained Perfectionist. Observers can relax with each other in this non-demanding climate. Emotional ups and downs, hopes and disappointments, elation and despair tend to make this couple more focused on itself than on practical life, child raising, or their careers.
A cycle of increasing conflict can unfold with the Mediator, wanting more connection and involvement, complaining, and getting stubborn or dug in and the Observer retracting further and withholding.
Your Enneagram Type Can Determine How You Fall In Love
A downside to being a helper is suffering from low self-esteem. Hurtful fights, withdrawal, and disruption of the relationship may ensue leading to termination the relationship. The Loyalist. The Observer. All of this can lead to pain and even disruption or an end to the relationship. You'll benefit by being with someone who doesn't "go there" with you. In what follows, I present the definitions regarding the relationship dynamics for each of the 45 possible combinations of Enneagram types.